Women prefer to blow than grow

“Men hate women and women hate women, it’s the only thing we all agree on”. (The Barbie Movie)

In one way or another women are constantly looking for opportunity to bring other woman down. Whether you’re traditional or progressive you as a woman will be judged.

There’s internalized misogyny in how women treat one another. From the language, we say behind each other's backs to the attitudes we show face to face. Many women have coined the term “girls-girls”. This is a word used to describe women who make it their priority to validate and accept other women. I consider myself to be a “girls-girls”. I believe strong women must stand in solidarity with one another. However, I noticed a large flaw in my philosophy. Like every human bias clouds my mind and typically my morals. I realized my “girls-girl” attitude does not remain when in conflict with other women. This new sense of consciousness made me wonder why is it that a moment a woman does something I deem distasteful I am no longer a “girls-girl”? To clarify, I’m not compromising my position by disagreeing with women. You’re not less of a “girls-girl” for disliking someone. However, when analyzing how I critique women I realize I do it the same way a man does. I then began to notice these trends in almost all the women I know. We’re using insults we have received.

To elaborate on my point I want to bring up a celebrity incident. Lizzo is a singer most known for advocating body positivity. She recently got involved in a scandal I honestly don’t know enough about. Something about a dancer and banana, I don’t know but it’s irrelevant to the point I’m making. Lizzo is plus-sized and all the girls and all the “feminists” were always super supportive and “proud” of who she was happy to be. However, the second the scandal starts what happens: everyone’s body shaming Lizzo. The human tongues of her once supportive audience turned serpent. People saw the window of opportunity she had created and seized the chance to insult her in a degrading and offensive way. As stated earlier, I don’t the full story of Lizzo’s incident. I don’t know her personally nor do I keep up with her through social media. If the accusations are real I fully understand why people are upset by her actions. However, her flaw in character does not entitle people to insult her physical appearance. It shares no relevancy in bringing justice to the issue. It does nothing but encourage the idea that bad actions mean a woman is ugly. Your physical characteristics don’t define who you choose to be. Being plus-size doesn’t equate to being evil.

Let’s be honest what woman at one point in her life hasn’t felt bad about her weight? Weight she only felt bad about because of the societal pressures men created for women. Yet women love calling other women fat. The way the word roles off your tongue: short and powerful. Women believe that it isn’t enough to attack a woman’s specific toxic behavior, they have to personally insult them too. It’s not just weight, it's everything. Women will insult clothes and hair, they’ll insult people’s mothers. Girls, I wonder who you learned that from?

Men love ad hominem. It reinforces how little they respect the women they’re talking to. They respect women’s opinions so little they won’t even argue with them. Women love it too. Deep down you know you love making women feel the way so many men have made you feel. The only question is why do women enjoy that so much? Men do it because they see women as objects, so why do women see women as objects? Women don’t gain anything other than male approval from hating women like men.

This leads me to my point, women want to be the girl of a man’s dream. Deep down they want to be the girl he agrees with in everything. She wants to be the girl he sees himself in, even in just the way she argues, because she knows he loves himself so much more than he will ever love her. And only when she reminds him of himself will he be a loving partner. Men have more respect and affection for their fellow man than any of the women in their lives. A Woman would lose every part of herself for just a sliver of a man.

There’s a giant split in women. Women who choose conservative lifestyles and those who choose progressive ones. Women who choose to be financially dependent on a man and those who don’t. But why are we dividing ourselves around men? Why are we depending on our connection to other women through how we view men? Why do we care enough about men to form our morality around them? Men don’t do that for us. Trust me no man thinks as deeply about women as we do them. There’s more to women than their romantic situation. Why don’t we divide ourselves based on middle vs. side parts? High vs. low-waisted?

Women need to stop giving men the pleasure of thinking you care that much about them. It's pathetic. There is nothing more dangerous than a man's ego. Women will bend over backwards for a man then wonder why he keeps disrespecting them.

This is not some argument about how women are always right (we are). This isn’t an argument that women shouldn’t hate other women. I'm telling you no woman deserves to be disrespected. No one deserves to be disrespected. You can disagree with a woman and not diss her appearance.

Stop bringing down women in ways that bring down yourself. Stop treating girls the way men treated you. Be educated and respectful. Have powerful words, not damaging ones.

All women are born complex and beautiful, just as complex and beautiful as men are. We’re just as ambitious and worthy to have our minds picked not our looks and our personalities. We need to start seeing ourselves in the same light we see men. Women deserve to be messy and untrained as well as they deserve to be stable and elegant. Women deserve to be humble and conceded, shy and extroverted.

The only thing a woman has to be is whoever she wants to be.